The maths of a round of golf
Four hours. Eighteen holes. Two toilets, if you are lucky, and one of them is in the clubhouse you left at the start.
Add in that a decent proportion of golfers are men over fifty, that a coffee at the halfway hut is close to compulsory, and that the tenth tee is frequently the furthest point from any facility on the entire course, and you have a problem that a very large number of men are quietly managing every weekend.
The same applies to a five hour drive to Cornwall in August traffic, a day's fishing, a football match with a fifteen minute queue at half time, and a Test match where leaving your seat means missing an over.
These are the situations where men stop going. Not dramatically, and not with any announcement. They just find that they are busy that Saturday, and then the Saturday after that.
Which is a genuinely sad way to lose something you enjoy over a manageable problem.
Golf, hole by hole
Before you tee off
Empty properly rather than quickly. Double void, which means finish, wait thirty seconds, and go again. Then wait a further fifteen seconds before getting dressed, because the drips that arrive on the first tee were sitting in the urethra when you zipped up.
Have your coffee at least ninety minutes before you play, not in the car park. Caffeine hits bladder urgency within thirty to sixty minutes and works for hours after that. A flat white at 8:50 for a nine o'clock tee time is a decision that will find you around the sixth.
Drink water, and drink it early. Turning up dehydrated to avoid the problem gives you a more irritable bladder and a worse round, and by the fourteenth in July you will be struggling for entirely different reasons.
Know the course
Most courses have facilities somewhere beyond the clubhouse. A halfway hut, something near the maintenance sheds, occasionally a proper block by the ninth. Nobody advertises them and most members do not know where they all are.
Ask the pro shop directly. It takes one question and it changes the whole four hours, because the thing driving the discomfort is usually uncertainty rather than urgency.
Where you are on a rural course with a bit of woodland and it is genuinely quiet, that is between you, your playing partners and your conscience. Which is to say most golfers have already solved this and are not reading an article about it.
The halfway hut
Use the toilet at the turn whether or not you feel you need to. This is the single most useful habit on the list.
You are not responding to a signal, you are pre empting one. Timed voiding rather than urge driven voiding is what continence nurses recommend, and the ninth green is a natural point to build it into.
Also worth thinking about what you drink there. A pint at the turn is a fine tradition and it is also the reason the back nine goes badly. Alcohol suppresses the hormone that concentrates urine and reduces sphincter tone at the same time. Our piece on caffeine, alcohol and bladder leaks covers exactly what it does.
Playing in the cold
Cold weather genuinely increases urinary urgency. Your body shunts blood away from the extremities to the core, blood pressure rises slightly, and the kidneys produce more urine. It is a real physiological effect and not you being feeble in February.
Layer properly, keep your hands and head warm, and expect to need to go more often on a cold round than a warm one. Plan the fluid timing accordingly.
Long drives
Plan the stops before you go
Not the ones you intend to use, the ones you could use. Look at the route and note the services, the retail parks, the big supermarkets with car parks you can get in and out of quickly.
Knowing where the options are removes almost all of the anxiety, and anxiety is itself a driver of urgency. A man who knows there is a Tesco at junction 14 is a considerably more relaxed driver than one who does not, whether or not he ever stops there.
Break it into legs
Ninety minute legs rather than driving until you need to stop. Stop, walk about for two minutes, use the facilities whether or not you feel the need.
Better for your bladder, better for your back, and considerably better for your reaction times.
Vibration is a real factor
Sustained low frequency vibration through a car seat increases urgency in some men. If you notice it is worse on motorways than around town, that is probably what is happening. Nothing much to do about it beyond knowing it is not imagination.
The seated position
Sitting for hours compresses the abdomen and puts pressure on the bladder. Adjusting the seat to a slightly more upright position, and easing a tight waistband, both make a modest but noticeable difference on a long run.
Fishing, cricket, football, the lot
Same principles throughout. Empty before you commit. Front load your fluids and taper before the period you cannot break. Move the caffeine out of the ninety minutes before. Know where the facilities are before you need them. Go at the natural break whether you feel you need to or not.
Our guide to strategic hydration takes the fluid timing side of this apart properly, and if you are flying anywhere, the long haul guide covers a harder version of the same problem.
The bit that removes the mental load
You can plan every one of these things perfectly and still get caught out. The group in front is slow. The traffic stops on the M5. The queue at the ground is forty deep.
What leakproof underwear actually does is not solve the leak. It removes the running calculation from the back of your mind, which is the thing genuinely spoiling the round.
Most golfers are dealing with the drips rather than volume, and The Active handles that. It is a modal boxer brief, it fits under golf trousers exactly as normal underwear does, and there is nothing to see, hear or feel. Nothing crinkles when you address the ball, which we get asked about more than any other single question.
If you are dealing with more than drops, or with urgency that does not give much warning, The Everyday is the one.
Keep a spare pair and a wet bag in the golf bag or the boot. You will probably never use it. Knowing it is there is the point.
The thing this is really about
Bladder leaks rarely stop a man doing anything through the leak itself. They stop him through the anticipation. The mental arithmetic on the seventh about whether he can make it to the turn. The reason not to commit to Saturday.
Handle the timing, know where the toilets are, wear something that means a mistake is not a disaster, and the arithmetic stops running.
Then it is just golf again, which was always the point.
And if you have not yet had it looked at, do that too. Four hours without a toilet is a planning problem. A bladder that cannot manage four hours is usually a symptom with a treatable cause, and our guide to the common causes is a sensible place to start.
Frequently asked questions
How do you get through eighteen holes without a toilet?
Empty properly before you tee off, then use whatever is at the turn whether you feel the need or not. Move your coffee to ninety minutes before your tee time rather than the car park. Drink water early rather than not at all, and ask the pro shop where the facilities are beyond the clubhouse.
Where are the toilets on a golf course?
Most UK courses have more than the clubhouse. There is often a halfway hut, something near the maintenance sheds, and occasionally a proper block by the ninth. None of it is signposted and plenty of members do not know. Ask in the pro shop before you go out. One question removes most of the uncertainty.
Should I drink less water before a long drive?
No. Turning up dehydrated gives you concentrated urine, a more irritable bladder and a worse day. Drink normally and drink early, then taper in the hour before you set off. Cut the caffeine rather than the water, because coffee hits urgency within thirty to sixty minutes and keeps working for hours afterwards.
Why do I need the toilet more on the motorway than around town?
Sustained low frequency vibration through a car seat increases urgency in some men, and sitting for hours compresses the abdomen and presses on the bladder. It is not imagination. Set the seat slightly more upright, ease a tight waistband, and break the journey into ninety minute legs with a stop whether you need one or not.
Will leakproof underwear show under golf trousers?
No. The Active at £20 is a modal boxer brief that sits under golf trousers like normal underwear. It holds around 15ml, which suits the last drop and post loo dribbles, and nothing crinkles when you address the ball. If you are dealing with more than drops, The Everyday at £22 holds up to 50ml.
When should I see a GP about needing the toilet constantly?
Book an appointment if you have a weak stream, pain, blood in your urine, or a sudden change in how often you go. Four hours without a toilet is a planning problem. A bladder that cannot manage four hours usually has a cause worth identifying, and most of those causes are treatable.